lundi 27 mai 2013

DEAREST MOTHER...

Yesterday, May 26th, was mother's day in France and today is mother's day in Bolivia. A spirit of profound reverence fills my heart as I ponder in the sacred name of MOTHER and in my mother. I read the words of John in the Bible: "And there stood at the cross of Jesus  HIS MOTHER." Then, my heart is filled with immense gratitude as I recognize the many times my mother stood by my side during the times I carried my different "crosses." A poem from George Griffith Fetter comes to mind: "The noblest thoughts my soul can claim. The holiest words my tongue can frame, unworthy are to frame the name more sacred than all other. An infant when her love first came. A man, I find just still the same. Reverently I breath her name: the blessed name of a Mother." And, I say yes, blessed and sacred is the name of MOTHER.

Yesterday, I received a beautiful message from my best friend's mother saying: "... to be a mother is not always easy. Sometimes we do certain things for the good of our children but they do not realize that it is for their good; they understand it later, sometimes when they are parents themselves. [But], my joy is my children. They are the most important thing to me, along with my husband. I love them so much!" I was not expecting it but tears came as I read this message. I felt it very deep, as if my mother would have said the same things. This happens so often. It is true that many times, as children, we do not realize the things mothers do for us until later. We do not realize how much our mothers do for us until they are gone. I've taken in that even if they only pray for us, they already do a lot. Boyd K. Packer said: "There are few things more powerful than the faithful prayers of a mother." It is true.


When I was in Bolivia, mother's day was a touching holiday for me. There were flowers all around, especially red roses. There was music as well. The rich people would serenade their mothers at six or seven in the morning. It was fun to wake up to those sounds. All the restaurants had their buffets with especial dishes and even live music to attract families to dine there. Mothers who work were given half of the day off to enjoy with their families. The churches had dinners and dances for their member mothers and the schools were filled with celebrations of poems and music of children honoring their mothers. Husbands trying to cook for their wives. Children trying to be more obedient than usual. There was something like the spirit of Christmas. There was sweetness in the air. I think all of this was related to what Thomas S. Monson said: "May each of us treasure this truth; one cannot forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one." God and mother are one.

Love is spoken in the home where a mother is loved and respected. "Men and women turn from evil and turn to their better natures when mother is remembered." There are many ways to forget mother. "Whenever we fall and don't rise up, whenever we do less that we ought, in a very real way we forget mother." Please, do not forget your mother even if she seems imperfect. Though I firmly know that I will see my mother again, though I know she is safely home, I would give so much to listen to my mother's voice once again and to feel her arms around me. A mother is a gift from God. A mother is an angel sent from Heavenly Father to us.

Dearest mother, I hope people get to know you as they see the good in me.

dimanche 5 mai 2013

"EMPTY CHAIRS AND EMPTY TABLES..."

Today I gave in into my emotions. Today I gave in into the deep feelings of emptiness I have been feeling since I came  back from Hawaii to Provo. Provo seems so gray, empty and so lonely. Could it be because it is cold or the sun does not shine as it does in Hawaii? Or could it be because the people who are close to me are not here? Or both? Something feels different. It is like I am a different person. May be traveling does this to you? But why do I feel this way? I was not expecting to feel this way after my trip. However, as I was pondering about the reasons why I could be feeling this void and looking for ways to get some inspiration, I found something Jaren Meldrum wrote long time ago. He said:

" I will not try to suppress or lie about my feelings. I am not afraid to cry or be vulnerable.  I form relationships very openly and willingly. I love to love people. I love to learn about others. I love to share experiences with them. I think I form deep friendships so willingly because they are a source of the strongest emotions in my life. I don’t consider myself to be an emotionally out-of-control person, but I like to feel strong emotions; it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel human. I believe emotions and emotional awareness separate us as a species. I seek to understand myself. When I feel something, I want to understand why. It makes me unafraid to feel strong emotions. I hope to never shy away from embracing an emotion head on." 


When I read this, I allowed myself to freely feel human and learn from my emotions today. I stopped ignoring my hollowness. It was refreshing. I remembered how good and normal that is. Today, I allowed myself to freely cry for the loneliness I feel right now. I am still getting used to the fact that I need to make some important decisions without any input of a parent. It is not easy and sometimes I can't help to be afraid to make a mistake that may hurt someone I love. It is going to be Mother's Day next Sunday and the adds and the many mothers I see around really make me miss my mother these days. Sometimes it feels that the more time passes, the more I feel the empty spot she left in my heart. And, besides my mother, today I allowed myself to miss my roommates from this past semester, my friends, and especially my best friend.

 I watched " Les Miserables" in Hawaii for the first time last Tuesday. It really touched me the song " Empty Chairs and Empty Tables" that the character Marius sings. The lyrics of that song really reached me because sometimes despite how much hope for things to stay the same, we are granted limited time with the people we love. Life brings and takes away. Time comes and goes, and with it people. I have seen so many people come and go in my life and it felt like my heart could sing like Marius: " There is a grief that can't be spoken. There is a pain that goes on and on. Phantom faces at the window. Phantom shadows in the floor. Empty chairs and empty tables. Where my friends will meet no more."  Is there any meaning behind this missing? Is there a purpose behind these feelings?

To allow my true feelings flow today, it allowed me to learn. I feel a special sense of gratefulness for the emptiness I felt today. It reminded me that life is eternal and so are our relationships with people. Thanks to our Father in Heaven this is possible and I am so grateful for this to Him.  It helped me to be grateful for the mother I have and for the things that she taught me. There may be a reason why she is not here today. There may be some growth that I need to make that is not going to come otherwise. I am grateful to know that our Heavenly Father trusts me this much. I am grateful for the interactions I have had with different people, who have come and go at different times of my life, and for the conversations I have had with them over what they are now " empty chairs and empty tables." Memories are a strength to me. In the same way, I am grateful for family. In Hawaii I learned that the history of the earth testifies that we belong to a big family. " Our ancestors live among us." And ultimately, I am very grateful for my best friend. Though we are more than 2, 889 miles apart, we are close despite the distance. Though we are two imperfect people, our friendship is true and it is perfect and celestial in its own way despite the obstacles we sometimes encounter.  My best friend makes my life very beautiful. 




The "empty chairs and empty tables, the phantom faces in the windows and the phantom shadows in the floor" today turned my emptiness into gratefulness... They reminded me that there was life there...and I am blessed to have had it.